Using

Hello my old friend
That's all there is to say now
We've been taking so long
Nothing has meaning
So we just stick with
Hello

But I need that hello
It's like some sort of pain relief
From how I torture myself in your absence
God, I need it so badly

It doesn't make me happy
I don't love you like I say
I don't even think I like you anymore
But God, I need you

You are an opiate
A pain reliever I used to need
But I still take you in every day because I have made myself still need you
Still need that sweet rush flooding my veins

You don't make me feel love
You don't make me feel anything
You just make me need you
You make me feel nothing
You are slowly killing me from the inside out and I am making you do it

You are not saving me
You are not a heroine
You are just

Heroin

The Hysteric

Me

I am afraid 

Of making a decision
Of what will happen if I don't
Of three things

Three people affecting me 

Three voices to listen to

Three directions to choose

None of this can be any good,
what has been quietly rising
in temperature (and temper) is
reaching fever pitch

I've been running in fear, in three
different directions, and now I'm
moving faster, and now I'm being
pulled apart at the seams until I'm
nothing

This is the decision between
a head screaming with hysterics
and a heart fluttering with hope

and it's up to

Me

The Hope

You

I like you

We rarely talk just between us

Only ever late at night

When everyone's around we're two faces in a crowd

But both making and laughing at the same kind of dumb jokes

Things are ordinary

When it's just us we make each other laugh with those dumb jokes

Both looking at each other with an understanding that maybe we're a different kind

It's something special

At least I hope so

For the sake of me surviving this time I hope so

For the sake of you not being afraid anymore I hope so

For the sake of you and me and us I hope so

And that hope is a thing

With feathers that will fly me

Away from old dead weights

Toward

You

The Head

You

I hear you

I've gone to you for advice again

And like always I hear but don't listen

I know you have fought long and hard with my same struggle

And that you want me to be happy because you're my friend

You are wise

You know that I am stubborn and don't always value happiness

But even though I try to listen because you're my friend

I am foolish

And I know that in my pigheadedness and refusal to listen I might just be making this worse and hurting myself more and I know you don't want me to learn this lesson the hard way like you did because that's not how things have to be

But it's how things are

And it's how things will stay

Sometimes you need to trust your heart over your head

And sometimes you need to listen to something but

Not you

The Heart

You

I love you

I have told you that many times

So many in fact that's it's lost meaning

For you it's as though I'm saying it to try to win you over 

Like its some magic spell that can fix all the wrong I've done you

It's hollow and selfish  

For me it's as though I'm saying it to fix all the wrong you've done yourself

Like its some magic spell that will make you see yourself in a better light

I think of it as selfless

But it is just my heart's selfish cry

Of loneliness you could solve if only

I could hold you again

I could kiss you again

I could help you again

I could console you again 

But I cannot so those things

And that would not solve anything

But still

The heart wants what it wants 

You

The First Law

The First Law of Motion

An object at rest...

Remains at rest.

As an engineering student

This has been drilled into my head

And for physics problems I always remember

Sometimes I forget

I stay at rest unable to start myself

And at rest the always moving worries of my mind

Have time to catch up

They retard my movement further

I sink deeper and deeper into a hole and yet

I keep digging myself deeper with my inaction

The First Law of Holes

If you find yourself in a hole...

Stop digging.

Its hard to stop doing something

That you do without doing

But it's easy not to feel like you're doing it

So when you are just living

at rest

at the bottom of a hole

It's easy to forget you're living and just feel dead

Which brings me to the first law

That all should follow at all times

The First Law of Life

Do not forget...

You are alive!

No Houses No Homes

Trapped in a prison of our own design

Trapped by monotony

Trapped by our own foolishness

and most importantly

Trapped of our own volition

Fleeing the work of five

Seek adventure in the other two

Imagine our own diversions like children

Drink and breathe poison to forget reality

Fleeing the places we work

Flashing lights and sounds

Long into the dark and quiet night

Returning only for

Rest and peace in stillness

Long into the bright and busy day

Are we not wanderers

In the glaring light of day

In the obscuring dark of night

Having nowhere to return to

No houses

No homes