The First Law

The First Law of Motion

An object at rest...

Remains at rest.

As an engineering student

This has been drilled into my head

And for physics problems I always remember

Sometimes I forget

I stay at rest unable to start myself

And at rest the always moving worries of my mind

Have time to catch up

They retard my movement further

I sink deeper and deeper into a hole and yet

I keep digging myself deeper with my inaction

The First Law of Holes

If you find yourself in a hole...

Stop digging.

Its hard to stop doing something

That you do without doing

But it's easy not to feel like you're doing it

So when you are just living

at rest

at the bottom of a hole

It's easy to forget you're living and just feel dead

Which brings me to the first law

That all should follow at all times

The First Law of Life

Do not forget...

You are alive!

Pretend

You need someone

And I need you now

It's been a month since you've seen me

We get coffee and talk for hours

I take you home and we say goodbye

And we hold each other in the cold night 

I love you so much 

And you pretend you do 

You need him now

But I need you still

It's been a month since I've seen you

I am still far away and we barely talk

And you tell me how he holds you

And how he makes you far happier than I could ever hope to

I love you so much

And I pretend I don't

Light Swtich

There are problems

Too big to ignore

At least in full light

Simply shut off the light

Or cloud up the air

Why does it matter if you're hiding from life

If nothing and no one can see to find you

Find me

I'm getting lost

Alone in the dark

Strayed from the switch after I killed the lights

Adrift and alone

Devoid of light

Derelict

Find me

Drive

Most animals are driven by need
Eat
Fight
Reproduce
Survive

Humans are different
We are driven by want
Taste
Resolve
Love
Live

I don't want to live
But still
I don't want to die

I don't want to love or be loved
But still
I don't want to be alone

I don't want to resolve arguments and solve problems
But still
I don't want to be angry at the world

I don't want to taste or eat or fulfill any of my real needs
But still
I don't want to let myself just fade away

I don't want anything
But still
I don't want there to be nothing

This is not a valley I can climb out of
This is not a mountain I can fall off of
This is not anything
This is an endless abyss with not a single other thing in sight
This is apathy

I am apathy

I am nothing

For You

Sometimes I lie awake
And wonder
When I stopped caring

For all of this
For these things that matter
For the things I will take with me into the future
For anything
Except
For you

You the one who I care about more than anything
You the one who makes me smile just by talking to me
You the one who makes my heart hurt any time you're anything but joyful
Like you so often are

I'm tearing myself apart
For you
For us
For a mirage a reflection an illusion an image
For nothing

I'm throwing everything away
Drifting away
Slipping away
Wasting away
For you

You who I never wanted to admit I love
You who I couldn't say that I love
You who I wish I didn't love
I pour out this worthless pointless wretched empty love
For you

Always
Forever
Anything
Everything

For you