Light Swtich

There are problems

Too big to ignore

At least in full light

Simply shut off the light

Or cloud up the air

Why does it matter if you're hiding from life

If nothing and no one can see to find you

Find me

I'm getting lost

Alone in the dark

Strayed from the switch after I killed the lights

Adrift and alone

Devoid of light

Derelict

Find me

Hypocrisy

I am ruled by my emotions

I am foolish

I am weak

But I know you

You are stronger than I 

So I give you this advice: 

Do not make the mistakes I have

Get out

Before you become the user and abuser

Before you manipulate only because it's fun

Before you end up too broken to follow this advice

Broken like this vinyl veneer of a man skip skip skipping and repeating this advice

A hypocrite telling you to let go

With his own hands clenched tight

Or at least I'd like to believe 

I'm not giving this advice 

To save another from how I was hurt

Because the way I held on was different 

Not because I rule emotions

Not because I fool others

Not because I exploit weakness

Because I am weak

And I lie even to myself 

And that lie is my real hypocrisy 

Mulligan

I came here with

One thing in mind

I wanted a fresh start

A chance to find someone else like you

A chance to not make the same mistakes I once did 

A chance to do something other than hurt and get hurt 

And I found someone 

The same enough that she could mean the same

But different enough that I could be someone different

But as time went on I learned 

What they say is true

Old habits die hard 

And history is doomed to

Repeat itself 

A Word with a Face

You knew him

You worked with him

You trusted him

He did not care

You were just going to get dinner

You were just going to talk

He did not care

You said no

He did not care 

You already felt alone

Like no one cared 

Not your parents

Not your friends

Not your boyfriend 

No one

So when your frantic search

For just someone to trust

Brought you to him

He took it

And then took so much more

And left that awful word

The one you had constant nightmares about

Permanently burned into your memory

He took you

He left you

And

He did not care 

Closing In

It begins as it always does

The doors are shut

Like a silent gunshot from

A firing line to execute me

Now the walls may do their worst

And so may the voices

Ever present but normally drowned out

In the silence are heard

Their words fill my head like spilled chemicals

And still the walls

Every smallest sound another voice

Taunting

Doubting

Jeering

Sneering

Devaluing

Destroying

Every fear and neurosis screams at the top of its lungs

And still the walls

Breath        is no longer possible

Air flees this        terrible room

My lungs expand        and contract

Moving the        nothing inside        and outside

And still the walls

And still the walls

Closing in

Never to let me free

Crushing me alive

Beneath my own fear and self doubt

They stop and I am left in a small room

To contemplate why I have done this to myself

Again