The Last Thing I Won't Say to You

I asked if it was goodbye. You weren't sure, but if so I guess this is yours. Or at least it's how I feel about yours.
I think I get why now but I'm still torn apart by it because of how I felt about you. I know I told you a thousand times, but I really cared about you. There's another feeling there too, but Doctor Who put it better than I ever could dream to: "I wasn't very good at it, but I did love you." And I think "did" might finally be the right word for it now. I honestly hope so at this point. It's funny, but I knew it would end this way. I knew since before February 15th. The day after Valentine's Day.
The day I started this whole mess.
I was talking about the time before when we watched that movie that's one of your favorites now. I justified why I didn't say anything about how I felt then with this: "if this starts it doesn't end without it ending very badly for one of us." It turns out I was more right than I thought. Because at least for me this is the last way I wanted things to end. I hope you didn't want this either. I hope you cared about me like you said you did, even if it wasn't the way I wanted. But after two whole days of thinking I've decided that maybe this is the way things should be. I listened to "Give Up" on repeat, and it felt like every word described what went down. And I was going to give you the end of Nothing Better but I think this fits more:

"I was the one worth leaving"

I asked if it was goodbye. But regardless of whether or not that was yours, I guess this is mine.
Goodbye to my storyteller, goodbye to my listener. Goodbye to my my ward, goodbye to my protector. Goodbye to my mirror, goodbye to my opposite. Goodbye to my ally, goodbye to my opponent.
Goodbye to my love.
And goodbye to my muse.

I'll never forget you.