Sunday, July 26, 2015

Lies and Realities

I loved you from the moment I met you
That's a lie. I hated you when I met you. I hated talking to you, I hated listening to you complain, I hated how you'd always be upset about the same damn thing. I thought you were this obnoxious little annoyance. Hell, I thought you were just pretending to be hurting for the attention. But I stuck around because I felt like I had to.

I have all the confidence in the world in you.
That's a lie too. I'm scared near constantly that you're right about yourself. That one day you'll end up dead in a gutter having overdosed on some drug or another. I'm scared that you won't make it. Hell, sometimes I'm scared that I won't make it without you if you don't. But I stick around because I feel like you need that confidence.

We fit together like pieces of a puzzle.
That's another lie. Yeah we have a lot in common but we don't "fit together" in some special way beyond the fact that we usually enjoy each other's company. Hell we don't even tolerate each other half the time. We argue and fight damn near constantly. But I'm sticking around because I feel like the good times are worth it.

You're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on.

That's just one more lie.



...I think
See that's the problem with making up my own version of the truth. With writing a revisionist history. With putting up a facade to hide what I really believe. With pretending the arguments and hateful words don't matter in the end.
Truth and lies blend together into a false reality I no longer understand, but I need to survive. A reality I need so I can survive, but one that is coming apart at the seams as I'm caught in the web of lies I wove.
But that wasn't one more lie. You are the most beautiful person. So I stuck around. So I stick around. So I'm sticking around.
Because the most beautiful piece of my false reality is true.

You.

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