Shakes

I don't know if this is you
Or if that is him
Or if that is anyone 
Because if this is not you then both might as well not exist to me

He and you flash in my mind
all the time
every night
every word you say he is wonderful and he loves you just maybe like I do
Every time he and you and I am still unfazed

but one mirage and i shake

it's only maybe-he and maybe-you but it burns out of the light
it burns at me while I sit completely vulnerable in the flesh
raw beauty exposed as maybe-you radiates from the light

my head races ahead and cuts itself off at the pass sending everything into a tailspin careening over the edge of a cliff I fear I could never climb again
could it be really-you? with really-him? and really-together? and did i go wrong somewhere? or was it just always meant to be this way? could there never have been us?
my stomach turns and I shake and I shake and I shake

pleased and turned-on by my lust
jealous and turned on by my love
my stomach turns as my feelings turn over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and i shake

my head spins as i make assumptions my breathing is laborious as i am crushed to death my stomach turns as i want to vomit this venomous envy out but cannot and i shake and i shake and i shake

i lie here cold
cut open by my own sharp tonuge
chemically burned by my own vitriol
my jealousy turns me against me 
the pain is BURNing but it just leaves me COLD
and i SHAKE