Memento

I drove for miles and miles

Still I can't run away

There's memories of you

Everywhere I look 

Running alongside me

In that coffee cup

From the last time we went out

Sitting in the cup holder by the passenger seat

Reminding me of us together

In that 33

A repress of your favorite album

Sitting in a black trash bag by the back seat

I bought it as a gift for you

In your smile still burned into my sight

In your voice still whispering in my ear

In your perfume still filling my memory

In the taste of you still on my lips

But even though it's all in my head

It still feels like you'll follow me anywhere

Both a torment and a savior

Last Watch

Pacing up and down

Dark and empty halls

There is but one sound

Click click click

The footsteps of the last watch

Overseeing the desolate masses

With darkened and recessed eyes

Click click click

Each step passes another door

And behind each door resides

A new person with new demons

Each protected only by the last watch

Click click click

I pace these empty halls

With darkened eyes

Past darkened doorways

Listening to others darkened hearts

paying no mind to my own, beating with my footsteps, drowned out more each doorway, a heart burning ever dimmer, a beat growing ever softer

drowned out

Click

Simplicity

You make me laugh 

You make me smile

That's all there is to it

Talking to you is easy

Talking to you is fun

Plain and simple 

Looking into your eyes

Time lightly pauses 

In that moment 

We are happy

We laugh and smile

Life is easy and fun

You make me happy

For a moment 

Or maybe for longer

Because

I like you

That's all there is to it 

Plain and simple 

A Word with a Face

You knew him

You worked with him

You trusted him

He did not care

You were just going to get dinner

You were just going to talk

He did not care

You said no

He did not care 

You already felt alone

Like no one cared 

Not your parents

Not your friends

Not your boyfriend 

No one

So when your frantic search

For just someone to trust

Brought you to him

He took it

And then took so much more

And left that awful word

The one you had constant nightmares about

Permanently burned into your memory

He took you

He left you

And

He did not care 

Why Do I?

So many have hurt you

And it's always me

Who's there to kiss your scars 

So many have left you

And it's always me

Who's there to keep you company

So many have let you fall

And it's always me

Who's there to catch you and hold you tight

And yet it's always me

Who finds old wounds to hurt you

And in your pain and guilt leaves you

And pushes you over the edge to fall

So many have already done you wrong

And if I claim to be your savour

And if I claim to care at all

And if I claim to love you

Why do I?

Right and Wrong (Orbits)

I am sometimes so focused on making something right

With two wrong people and all the wrong words I've said

That I miss someone who has it right

I am unstable and so are you

So unsure of yourself

That you follow the crowd

An asteroid in this belt with me

Whom I thought I could fly alongside

But you so small so light so fast

Leave me alone in the dust

Spinning with nowhere gravitate to

Until you pass by then leave again

Stuck in unstable orbits so wrong

That is wrong for me

You are wrong for me

I am unstable but you are not

So self assured and confident

You stand out immediately from the crowd

A star who so many pause or stay for

Whom I think I can stay alongside

And you so small yet so stoic 

Make sure I am not left alone

I spin and circle around and gravitate to you

And somehow neither of us flies away

Finally a stable star and a stable orbit

Maybe that is right for me 

Maybe you are right for me

Maybe I have finally learned my right and wrong

And the old idiom that two wrongs can never make a right 

And to look inward and focus on the source of this orbit 

That could be something right

Closing In

It begins as it always does

The doors are shut

Like a silent gunshot from

A firing line to execute me

Now the walls may do their worst

And so may the voices

Ever present but normally drowned out

In the silence are heard

Their words fill my head like spilled chemicals

And still the walls

Every smallest sound another voice

Taunting

Doubting

Jeering

Sneering

Devaluing

Destroying

Every fear and neurosis screams at the top of its lungs

And still the walls

Breath        is no longer possible

Air flees this        terrible room

My lungs expand        and contract

Moving the        nothing inside        and outside

And still the walls

And still the walls

Closing in

Never to let me free

Crushing me alive

Beneath my own fear and self doubt

They stop and I am left in a small room

To contemplate why I have done this to myself

Again