Pretend

You need someone

And I need you now

It's been a month since you've seen me

We get coffee and talk for hours

I take you home and we say goodbye

And we hold each other in the cold night 

I love you so much 

And you pretend you do 

You need him now

But I need you still

It's been a month since I've seen you

I am still far away and we barely talk

And you tell me how he holds you

And how he makes you far happier than I could ever hope to

I love you so much

And I pretend I don't

Different

Though
I never really believed in "growing apart"
People change
Sometimes a lot and sometimes very quickly

Their hobbies
Their profession
Their joys
Their struggles
Maybe even
Parts of their personality

but not all of it

I said I believed people change
But I didn't
They may change everything about themselves
But not themselves
The very person that they are

But now that I'm walking away from you
I try to look back and see you

The same beautiful girl
with those same beautiful eyes
and that same beautiful soul

somehow you're
Different

Hurricane

Here we go again

I am done with you

And I break your buildings

You are done with me

And you build your dikes and walls

The same as always

Here we go again

I need you back

I smile and joke at you

You need just someone

So back you come like the sun through clouds

The same as always

You are like the weather

Unpredictable in how you begin

But no matter how thunderous your storm

You always calm again

Light Swtich

There are problems

Too big to ignore

At least in full light

Simply shut off the light

Or cloud up the air

Why does it matter if you're hiding from life

If nothing and no one can see to find you

Find me

I'm getting lost

Alone in the dark

Strayed from the switch after I killed the lights

Adrift and alone

Devoid of light

Derelict

Find me

Hypocrisy

I am ruled by my emotions

I am foolish

I am weak

But I know you

You are stronger than I 

So I give you this advice: 

Do not make the mistakes I have

Get out

Before you become the user and abuser

Before you manipulate only because it's fun

Before you end up too broken to follow this advice

Broken like this vinyl veneer of a man skip skip skipping and repeating this advice

A hypocrite telling you to let go

With his own hands clenched tight

Or at least I'd like to believe 

I'm not giving this advice 

To save another from how I was hurt

Because the way I held on was different 

Not because I rule emotions

Not because I fool others

Not because I exploit weakness

Because I am weak

And I lie even to myself 

And that lie is my real hypocrisy 

Warm Bodies

Sometimes in a meaningless life

Meaningless contact is enough

Just another warm body

Brings me back to reality

Reminds me I'm alive

Makes me happy if only for a moment

Sometimes in a meaningless life

I can be happy

With no meaningful reason

Other than your warm body against mine

And no promise of it ever happening again

Mulligan

I came here with

One thing in mind

I wanted a fresh start

A chance to find someone else like you

A chance to not make the same mistakes I once did 

A chance to do something other than hurt and get hurt 

And I found someone 

The same enough that she could mean the same

But different enough that I could be someone different

But as time went on I learned 

What they say is true

Old habits die hard 

And history is doomed to

Repeat itself